Daddy Did You Know?

 

When you coerced my mother into being “other”, daddy, did you know that your daughters would internalize the game? When you bullied my mother into living in fear, did you know you were nurturing the same genre of fear in us? By distorting, emphasizing or deemphasizing certain mores daddy, you put us in a bind and shaped our impressionable minds. And daddy just so you know we fight every day to shake off patterns of relationship that began with you.

My mother never got to live you know, to affirm self-worth or realize her dreams. Image result for domestic abuse and women and childrenAlways in survival mode she was, self -sacrificing preferring your children so they could live in the unaccustomed freedoms for which she longed.  Her strategy of self-betrayal for survival before established privileged male existence, later became mine. Yes, mummy became the giver daddy dear, and you the forever taker.  This is a legacy for which dear daddy I am forever in your debt.

IImage result for domestic abuse and children’ll let you into a secret daddy dear, we were more aware than you thought we were. And daddy, did you know you put the first scars on us – psychological and emotional ones – that set us right on course? And though we do not reenact your rage you prepped us daddy dear to allow its reenactments on our psyches all the same.  This is the threshold of expectations you set for us daddy dear; did you know that at the time?

There is a saying daddy dear, have you ever heard of it? “If you don’t have the money then you don’t have the chance” it says. You were our currency daddy. Do you know daddy without a good father we didn’t stand a chance? Daddy did you know?

by Ingrid Rizzolo author of Splendor from Ashes

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https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-ingrid-rizzolo-62827245/

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47 thoughts on “Daddy Did You Know?

  1. Yes, kids see much more more and internalize much more than what their parents realize. Such an important reminder for my husband and I to communicate well to raise our children well. Love your writing style!

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  2. Such a thoughtful post. Parents who fight in front of the kids are leaving deep scars on the kid’s mind. Life is short. Don’t waste it on meaningless stuff. Live and let live.

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  3. Wow, this is so powerful. Such raw emotion and honesty. I think raising awareness of such a serious issue like this will help so many people.

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  4. So powerful, Ingrid. We spend so much of our lives either emulating our parents, or trying not to emulate them, whether consciously or unconsciously. My father witnessed his mother and sisters being abused by men growing up. He didn’t want that for his daughter, so he hammered into me that I had to be independent. And I am. Who I am today, as a woman and as a partner, is such a function of who he was for me growing up. Thanks so much for this beautiful offering.

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  5. oh my – this went straight to the heart… what words can do to evoke emotions. I had a great father who passed away when I was only 9 – I miss him dearly, but I truly understand that having either parent as someone who is not the most nurturing person can be devastating, After all, they are our first ever influencers and shapers of our world. Thanks for sharing

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  6. This is such a powerful peace that creates the awareness to see what children endure and witness when there home situation is not how it’s supposed to be. Such events can leave scars in the children. I hope that this read will be an eye opener for a dad who needs to get this message.

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  7. What a powerful read. It reminds of something I read a long time ago: the best gift a father could give to his children is to love their mother. So, so true. I wish we could get rid of domestic violence once and for all.

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    1. Thanks for your kind thoughts, Cynthia. It is my passion to bring greater awareness about this issue for the purpose of effectively dealing with it. I also think that Fathers provide templates for their children from which they draw patterns for future relationships. Therefore to love the children’s mother is definitely to empower the children. The opposite is also true.
      You may find equally interesting, my book Splendor from Ashes which can be found on Amazon.com

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  8. This is a very “deep” article. Although I am just a teenager, I actually know a lot about my parents. Evenwhen it’s not right to invade their privacy, I just want them to realize that I am mature enough and I can understand what they are thinking. Thanks for your article. It really reflects my feelings and my thoughts.

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    1. Congrats for having the maturity and competency to blog at your tender age.Thanks for your kind thoughts. It is my passion to bring greater awareness about this issue so that it can be effectively addressed and children saved from this kind of trauma. You may also appreciate similar poems in my book Splendor from Ashes which can be found on Amazon.com

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    1. Thanks for your kind thoughts. It is my passion to bring greater awareness about this issue so that it can be effectively addressed and our children saved from this kind of trauma. Thanks for checking my other writings some of which can be found on this blog. You may read also similar poems in my book Splendor from Ashes of how I later transcended this evil. The book can be found on Amazon.com

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    1. Thanks for the vote of confidence. It is my passion to bring greater awareness so the issue can be effectively addressed. You may read similar poems in my book Splendor from Ashes of how I later transcended this evil. The book can be found on Amazon

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    1. I hope that others who have experienced any kind of pain may be able to relate to the ideas discussed. Opening up like this makes me feel vulnerable ,I must confess. However, if I can help someone then that is compensation enough for me. The only way to bring healing is to expose the wound to the light of day.Yes we adding more powerful pages to the script every day. Thanks for the vote of confidence. You may read similar poems in my book of how I later transcended this evil in my book Splendor from Ashes which can be found on Amazon.

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    1. It is my aim to stimulate thoughts so that conversations can be entered into that would generate change in the long run. Thanks for the vote of confidence. You may also enjoy reading my book Splendor from Ashes which can be found on Amazon

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  9. That’s so powerful and yet it’s true for most families. You’d imagine that life would be better during these times but people still experience that, and it hurts that it has to be the little girls. This was very well written.

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  10. Parents don’t usually think about it, but yes if there are scars, it’s usually the parents who put the first ones there…whether intentional or not. And when that happens at such a young age, it’s more harder to overcome. It just sticks with you for life rather than if a scar happens as an adult.

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  11. Our children embody the way we act, think and feel. The best act of love we can give to our children is to clean up our stuff – which means getting help to heal so we don’t cause further damage. May your words powerfully heal all who need it.

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  12. Violence against women doesn’t start. It grows. It is not only physically but emotionally that can give long-term effect to women and children. Thank you for raising up this article.

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  13. This is so powerful, Ingrid. It’s heart-breaking to see how much pain and confusion can be caused. And I empathize.. I experienced a similar situation growing up and I feel like it still damages me on the daily.

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