When you coerced my mother into being “other”, daddy, did you know that your daughters would internalize the game? When you bullied my mother into living in fear, did you know you were nurturing the same genre of fear in us? By distorting, emphasizing or deemphasizing certain mores daddy, you put us in a bind and shaped our impressionable minds. And daddy just so you know we fight every day to shake off patterns of relationship that began with you.
My mother never got to live you know, to affirm self-worth or realize her dreams. Always in survival mode she was, self -sacrificing preferring your children so they could live in the unaccustomed freedoms for which she longed. Her strategy of self-betrayal for survival before established privileged male existence, later became mine. Yes, mummy became the giver daddy dear, and you the forever taker. This is a legacy for which dear daddy I am forever in your debt.
I’ll let you into a secret daddy dear, we were more aware than you thought we were. And daddy, did you know you put the first scars on us – psychological and emotional ones – that set us right on course? And though we do not reenact your rage you prepped us daddy dear to allow its reenactments on our psyches all the same. This is the threshold of expectations you set for us daddy dear; did you know that at the time?
There is a saying daddy dear, have you ever heard of it? “If you don’t have the money then you don’t have the chance” it says. You were our currency daddy. Do you know daddy without a good father we didn’t stand a chance? Daddy did you know?
by Ingrid Rizzolo author of Splendor from Ashes