Abuse of the Innocent

Abuse of the Innocent

Sexual abuse is not about sex but is in fact an act of violence.  Sexual abusers are therefore common criminals and should be treated as such. These bullies feel they have entitlement to a woman’s body even when that woman is a child. Abuse of children is even worse than abuse of an adult woman. I don’t think it is possible to redeem anyone who sexually abuses an innocent child may that child be preteen, early teen or late teen.

These criminals target and groom the innocent for the perpetuation of the crime. Their means of operation are not unlike those of a property owner who would develop a property for a particular use. To them the children are merely valued as personal possessions/goods. In many instances the abuser is known to the family of the targeted child/preteen/ young teen. They then work to gain access to the child and obtain the child’s trust. Finally, they use the power behind their standing as adults to break down the defenses of their targets and get the children to submit to them. The children are then sworn to secrecy on threat of harm to themselves or family members. In this way the victims become trapped and imprisoned in a web of fear and silence. The perpetrator lives in the perverse satisfaction of a bully, with no thought for the impact on the innocent nor for the life they left in ruins. The silence of the lambs could be broken. It is time. Enough with closet suffering, closet pain, and closet guilt.

I wrote this poem on learning of the sexual abuse (more like rape) of a preteen at the hands of driver entrusted with the care of taking her to school. It is found in my book Splendor from Ashes on Amazon.com

I Did Not Know (2013)

I confess I did not know

of the breach of long ago,

and when I heard,

it pained me so

that tears refused to flow.

Stillborn tears are worst, you know.

They wrack your being in vain.

You cannot sleep,

you cannot rest,

for deeds you can’t redress.

Nightmarish thoughts

overrun my breast,

conjuring, tormenting,

protocol despising,

adjudicating for logic,

sense, and meaning,

with the philosophies of the best.

Hades’s life entombed

and threatening

in a young girl’s womb.

Breach, interruption,

society’s decimation,

deflowered Persephone

in need of a redefinition.

I can’t turn back the clock, my dear,

or murder the inspirer of fear,

but I relentlessly mourn all Persephones,

as though they were my own.

 

Written by Ingrid Rizzolo

@ingrid_rizzolo

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-ingrid-rizzolo-62827245/

“Me too” and Sexual Violence

“Me too”

The #metoo trending on Twitter a few Sundays ago initiated a path to the overthrow of a system of subversive predatory acts of sexual violence and sexual harassment enacted on women’s bodies and psyches. If the hashtag was any indication, then millions of women on Twitter alone (and this may be only the tip of the iceberg) have been victims of sexual abuse or harassment. Contrary to what may have been previously believed sexual violence cannot be shrugged off as incidental acts, evil as they may be, but rather as part of an entrenched societal institution buttressed by money and power. The worrisome question is: What gives men the right to think they have ownership of and or unfettered access to women’s bodies?

Predator Beware

We own our bodies” is the message women are transmitting to perpetrators of sexual violence. It may have been said before but now women adding a new frequency to their demand to be treated with dignity and respect as individuals and as not sex objects. Alisa Milano helped individual women to begin to say as she indicated – I have had enough. Milano uncorked the genie and women are not going back. They are fed up and are taking the battle to the predators. Like heroes, women stood up and somehow manufactured great courage and guts to reach beyond their pain to speak of their buried shame on that fateful Sunday evening. They offered their possible humiliation as a sacrifice to light the path for others. As a result, sexual predators who prey on vulnerable while hiding behind money and power began to be exposed for their villainy. Now like Prometheus women will not stop until this Zeus of abuse is overthrown and they rise unbound.

In this current course the onus is on the fine people of influence to rise in empathy with their fellow human beings and use their star power to speak out against sexual violence and harassment until this existing established system is undermined and completely eradicated from among us. We cannot allow voices now raised against this resident evil to be muffled neither can we return to positions of feigned ignorance. We must continue to speak out against these vexing issues that confront our mothers our daughters and our sisters.

#sexual violence,#Me Too, # abuse, #domestic violence

Written by the author of Splendor from Ashes

@ingrid_rizzolo

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-ingrid-rizzolo-62827245/

The Cinderella Conspiracy

 

As a child I loved fairy tales. One of my favorites was Cinderella. As an adult, however, I soon woke up to the reality that life is no fairy tale. What I did not know at that time is that through this story the patriarchy was conditioning me and other young girls to drink indiscriminately from the collective unconscious to facilitate the status quo.  We were conditioned to be good women for whom marriage and the idea of marriage were a major preoccupation. The preoccupation extended to an obsession with finding prince charming as a means of escape from home life, for instance. In the reading of these fairy tales we were being subtly warped by the patriarchy into being passive, subservient, defenseless, and conflict avoiding types in sync with patriarchal dictates. Psychologist Carl Jung explained that there is a human collective unconscious informed by archetypes and universal symbols many of which become embedded in fairy tales (Huff Post 8/23/2016). In the case of Cinderella, upon reading the text, a young girl inadvertently guzzles from the collective unconscious and in turn internalizes the substance of the presented archetypes and universal symbols as to what the archetypal wife material should look or act like. Cinderella then situates individuals to live out the preconditioning of the collective unconscious in their own experiences.  It is time to stray from the script delivered by the collective unconscious or at least reexamine and reassess it.

cinderella

The Princess (2004)

Handsome prince,

filed tongue,

velvety thoughts—

love’s a grand idea.

Grand idea

golden slippers,

a rhythmic dance,

filmy soft clouds,

a fairy’s white dress.

White dress and veiled face,

bright eyes,

wedding march,

troubled mother,

sunset journey.

Sunset journey,

errant lover,

dull eyes,

dreary splendor,

distant godmother.

 Distant godmother,

demanding marauder,

weighty vows,

obscure pathways,

a lost one.

A lost one,

weary stares,

vacant core,

painful ashes.

You may read similar poems in my book Splendor from Ashes

Abuser in Denial

 

   “I am saddened and disgusted by false allegations conducted against me “, said actor Ryan Phillipe (allegedly). This after police examined his                       girlfriend’s injuries after she had checked into Cedar -Sinai Medical Center Emergency (New York Daily News Wednesday, September 20, 2017)

Similar words have been spoken. I recall one instance when the abuser said to me ‘My hands are for eating and not for hitting a woman”.  Wasn’t this the man that used his hands to hurt me that very morning? My mind panned this way and that to make sense of his re-scripting of the narrative.  I knew the truth. We both knew the truth of what had conspired that fateful day. Yet here he was causing me to question my sanity. Here he was, defining for me a truth contrary to the one I had experienced. The physical and emotional onslaught were too much for me so in what was an almost out of body experience I escaped to an unreachable space. In the fraternity of abusers, denial is the default response I subsequently learned. I became wise enough to recognize that the biases in the grand narratives these offenders produce are nothing more than products of distorted minds.

I also became wise enough to understand that in the aftermath of abuse, abusers wage an ongoing undeclared war to smear and to destroy. It’s a war in which like other re-writers of history they dare victims to vilify their freshly minted truths on pain of public shaming. Who then would be willing to defy the daring and risk public loathing, to expose the truth of their history and so expose revisionist tales? Only a handful are sufficiently courageous.  The sobering truth is that lack of acknowledgement of wrong doing sears the conscience of the offender and paves a path to subsequent re-enactments.

links 2My concern, however,  is for victims, those whose lives would have been forever changed. I often loudly wonder: What about us, you abusers and re-writers of history? Are you aware that you have locked us into a perpetual inverse relationship with you one which we struggle our entire lives to reverse?

Flip the Script

I write about domestic violence because I am impelled by noble impulses and a desire to bring awareness and eradication of this evil. Such awareness it is hoped will motivate whole communities and their leaders to act to eliminate this accursed thing from among us thus creating a new narrative. We can no longer remain silent as in being silent we will all be complicit in a system that allows for the dismantling of our families and the warping our offspring for generation to come.

Each small step in this direction would collectively amount to a giant leap over this seemingly unscaleable wall. Let’s flip the script on domestic violence and its retarding effects.

The poem below captures the impact of abuse:

Scripting (2003)

She penned the life that was to be;

naivety and bliss of youth

furnished its tone and hue.

Then life, the chameleon, reared its head,

smudging the masterpiece.

A good educator but

an ethereal marriage but

a beautiful baby but

the marauding twins—

pain and abuse invaded her lair,

eventuating the destruction

of almost everything

classically holy,

issuing forth from this paramour

her lone Romeo

throwing her empire into chaos.

The action never follows

the script the author pens.

Taken from Splendor from Ashes

Daddy Did You Know?

 

When you coerced my mother into being “other”, daddy, did you know that your daughters would internalize the game? When you bullied my mother into living in fear, did you know you were nurturing the same genre of fear in us? By distorting, emphasizing or deemphasizing certain mores daddy, you put us in a bind and shaped our impressionable minds. And daddy just so you know we fight every day to shake off patterns of relationship that began with you.

My mother never got to live you know, to affirm self-worth or realize her dreams. Image result for domestic abuse and women and childrenAlways in survival mode she was, self -sacrificing preferring your children so they could live in the unaccustomed freedoms for which she longed.  Her strategy of self-betrayal for survival before established privileged male existence, later became mine. Yes, mummy became the giver daddy dear, and you the forever taker.  This is a legacy for which dear daddy I am forever in your debt.

IImage result for domestic abuse and children’ll let you into a secret daddy dear, we were more aware than you thought we were. And daddy, did you know you put the first scars on us – psychological and emotional ones – that set us right on course? And though we do not reenact your rage you prepped us daddy dear to allow its reenactments on our psyches all the same.  This is the threshold of expectations you set for us daddy dear; did you know that at the time?

There is a saying daddy dear, have you ever heard of it? “If you don’t have the money then you don’t have the chance” it says. You were our currency daddy. Do you know daddy without a good father we didn’t stand a chance? Daddy did you know?

by Ingrid Rizzolo author of Splendor from Ashes

SKU-000686587.gif mybook - Copy

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-ingrid-rizzolo-62827245/

@ingrid_rizzolo